Monthly Archives: December 2013

A “lovelife”-hack for Young Single Women (A Half-time Book Review)

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Oh, the woes and wonders of being a single woman.

I’m halfway through reading “Why Is There a Man and He’s Not Mine”, a book by my co-staff* ate Orpah Marasigan.

why is there a man

Why Is There a Man and He’s Not Mine is a fun, witty, easy read brimming with transparency.

Whereas many people, unfortunately including many people from the Christian community, brush off “singleness” issues, often with an air of condescension or even shame (a sad reality which merits an entire blog post or even a book), ate Orpah approaches them with style and honesty.

Her down-to-earth attitude allows the reader to explore with her the challenges a single woman faces. On the other hand, this also allows us to rejoice with her victories!

I believe Why is There a Man will speak to single women from the entire age spectrum.

For the record, I’m twenty one. Still, a lot of the things she wrote resonated with me. I actually feel I got a life-hack out of this. Well, to be specific, I feel like I got a lovelife-hack. Heh.

For a twenty-one year old like me only starting to look at the possibilities of opening her heart to the wonderful adventure of love and relationships, this book is a treasure-chest, a feast, a harvest.

And yes, all those men wondering how the female brain and heart works will definitely benefit from reading this too!

My highlight so far is Chapter 9: Anatomy of a Wounded Heart, where ate Orpah recounts her painful experiences with men – men who caused her pain and damage, which eventually and inevitably contributed to how she deals with men at present.

She tells stories of hurt, of pain, of men who “killed” parts of her feminine soul. I can feel her grief, and as I read, I grieve with her.

I also grieved for myself. I could not help but think of all the men in my life that consciously or unconsciously killed my feminine soul. They are few (thank God), but the damages were done.

Well, I’m off to read the rest of it. Hope you can get a copy.

 

 

*I have to say, calling ate Orpah my “co-staff” or “colleague” gives me that surreal feeling. You see, I was a staff kid. My parents were missionaries with PCCC too. But now, I’m on staff too, and so I get a thrill when I call these senior staffs my “colleagues” – these people twice my age, some of whom even carried and babysat me when I was a kid!

Safe in the Boat.

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Finally, the month of December has begun.

ID-100200369November for me has been challenging, more challenging that any month I’ve gone through in the 21 years of my life. Perhaps I’ll write about it someday, but suffice it to say that I have gone through a lot. Still, when people ask how I am, I say, “I am experiencing God in ways I never imagined I could.”

And it’s true!  I cannot believe — CANNOT believe — how much I have been experiencing God’s reality, possibly best expressed by Harold J. Sala at our church last November 17: “You haven’t tested the resources of God until you faced the situation you thought was impossible.”

See, I felt like a huge tsunami wave had hit. I struggled, and now I am floating. The waters have been slowly receding, thank God, but not nearly fast enough. I do not yet feel solid ground.

All this water imagery reminds me of something I wrote back in the summer of 2011.

Safe in the Boat. 

The boat was made of wood, the size of a normal sailboat.

I didn’t hesitate about its durability, didn’t doubt its ability to take us through this raging storm, which admittedly threatened to weaken my confidence on this wooden boat.

I sat in the boat with some people. One of my friends was given a rope; the captain was at the helm, guiding the boat, instructing my friend to pull accordingly.

How the storm raged! The downpour was enough to flood all of Baguio to about 6 feet. The highest point, SM Baguio, was the only thing not submerged. It was amazingly overwhelming to see everything flooded. As the boat rounded SM on the way that was normally the road to UP Baguio, I watched in amazement. Water cascaded down from SM like a great big waterfall.

I fought an inner fear, a fear that kept whispering that we wouldn’t make it, we would drown, the boat was simply not strong enough for such elements. I fought, and won.

And then, the boat surprisingly came to a halt. We had hit shallow water. I looked behind and saw that all the waters were fast receding.

It was a strange dream, one of the many I seem to be having quite frequently lately. It was a dream that left me woozy and feeling strange when I woke up. It inevitably brought to mind the story of the disciples in the boat.

23 Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

(Matthew 8 )

The past week has been one of the strangest — new (painstaking) lessons on love and patience, the sudden realization of the gravity of future responsibilities, and a strange physical ailment. It definitely felt like a raging storm to me.

And yet, I felt oddly secure in that little boat. I pondered that oddity as I woke up. Then I re-read the passage in Matthew 8, and I knew what kept me calm: His undeniable presence.

And I then knew which voice countered that nagging fear threatening to drown me. It was His voice, whispering, comforting, rebuking: “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?