So there’s this person in my life right now which I am, uhm, to put it nicely, having a difficult time loving. Let’s just call said person UPerson (Unlovable Person).
I used to grit my teeth in frustration and yelling. Loudly. Oh, those times were bad, really bad. Even worse than my fights with my sisters. I remember how frustrated I would be at UPerson, all the while hating myself for not being better. I should know better, right?
Then I moved to yelling my anger on paper.
Yes, I said I yelled on paper. You know? Like writing everything IN HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS WITH MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION MARKS BECAUSE I’M MAAAAADDDDD!
As time passed and my world grew and my social circles expanded, I reverted to simply ignoring UPerson. I figured, no interaction = lesser potential opportunity to fight. And it worked! For a time, it worked.
And yet for all my efforts, I couldn’t stay out of UPerson’s life altogether though. It was impossible. Eventually I came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, in order to get the the happy times with UPerson (because there are happy times), I’d have to endure the icky times.
Now this is the part where I wish I could claim some sort of victory over this struggle.
This is where I wish I could say we both now get along.
This is where I wish I could we’ve finally worked out our differences and we have harmony together.
I still grit my teeth in frustration, but being the refined lady that I am now (by my standards, heh), I now hold it in. I still yell on paper every once in a while, but only seldom.
I wonder if UPerson and I will ever completely get along. For sure I get UPerson frustrated as much as UPerson frustrates me.
So what have I learned so far about this?
1) I am not above feeling anger and frustration. At times I feel guilty — I mean, a missionary such as myself should take it upon herself to give double efforts to love, right? But no. Even the “clergy” are prone to this.
2) Maybe… maybe UPerson and I will never get along. Nope, not in this life. Who know what God plans teaching me throughout my life in this struggle to love this UPerson?
Sigh. Got a UPerson in your life?