Dark Night of my Soul

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“Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.” ~ Edith Edman

How I love that quote.

In times of doubt and fear in times past, these words of such profound wisdom have guided me.

Back then, however, I was sure. How was I sure? Even now I puzzle at my stubborn certainty. Still, present me envies the past me. Trembling and hopelessly young, I stepped into a commitment, holding on to what I knew was certain for me.

Now the two-year ride is nearly over — and what a ride it was! But this roller coaster of a road Is. Now. Over.

I stepped out from the roller coaster and stepped into… a tunnel.

My life right now is as a tunnel. A tunnel of fear so musty you could smell it, and of air so stale it would make you long for the air of Baguio City in its worst traffic jam. And the darkness! Oh, this darkness compounding the unpleasantness of it all, contributing to disillusionment, multiplying my fears, numbing my heart.

“Never doubt,” Edith said, “what God has shown you in the light.”

Now I realize that perhaps the reason I am doubting so much now is that maybe, most possibly, I have not seen what God was showing me in the light.

Did I miss it?

What did I miss?

Why don’t I feel anything?

Hard questions.

 

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