The first book I read this 2019 is an adventure story, of Tristan Thorn, a boy “too ignorant to be scared, too young to be awed.”
I think that phrase, in many ways, describes who I was and how I’ve ended in many situations in the past — especially in my much younger years. I launched headlong into things, sometimes recklessly, sometimes only thinking of the adventures I could have.
I was too ignorant to be scared, and too young to be awed.
I always had stories in the end, tales that ensured I would never be a bore to anyone who made small talk with me, or who generally just wanted to be entertained. Still, there were also always consequences, of course, some of them good, some of them bad. In the last couple of years however, following some not very pleasant consequences of previous “adventures,” I became the opposite of my adventure-loving self.
I simply grew up. There were good things about this. I learned important lessons on planning, and waiting, and counting the costs before committing to something (or someone). And I’ve gained a little more appreciation for people who were maddeningly careful about details (the fact that I am engaged to one such person might be a factor for this).
And yet… I couldn’t help but feel that an important part of me was lost.
“Maybe you’ve just matured,” some friends told me. To which I thought, what a sad day it is then when a person matures, if it means losing your sense of wonder and adventure.
Of course, as I thought about it, not everyone is predisposed as I am. My idea of wonder and adventure would be different from others’.
And then the realization dawned on me: I have lost my courage.
Courage was replaced with fear. My sense of wonder was replaced with cyncism. Dreams were replaced with drudgery, even sloth.
Thankfully, a person’s journey isn’t a vacuum. Things that were allowed to happen in the past, despite seemingly unsensical, bitter, or horrifying at the time, could turn out to be blessings in disguise.
This is one of my top adulting lessons of 2018: to be grounded in truth and reality, and to pursue growth and maturity.
And also, to be courageous, to nurture my dreams, and to live life with a sense of wonder. Always with wonder.
This too, is what happens to Tristan Thorn, the hero in my adventure story. He recklessly goes on an adventure, thinking that he knows who he is and what his “Heart’s Desire” truly was. He then returns, having learned many things about himself, having become grounded in reality, and discovering what his real “Heart’s Desire” was.
That’s what the great stories are about, aren’t they? They are of people who are changed, and find out what they were meant for.
The story of my life isn’t over, and it gives me hope to think that whatever happens, my story is written by the Author of everything.